TATTOO SEARCH

No two shops are the same. You can divide them into groups like parlors, shops, studios, and boutiques, but that just describes ambience or the lack of it. I've noticed a number of core commonalities over the years that might be helpful in zeroing in on a good place and finding the right artist. Make an afternoon out of it. Be prepared for some ups and downs, big laughs, spooky weirdos and full tilt pros.

To begin with, every good artist has a portfolio, a collection of photos of their most recent work. Giant, groaning portfolios that cover five years are always a vague, bad sign. A good artist has highlights that stand out every few months. I find the slim ones are most revealing of what that person is most into at the time. My friend Keith Rich is a perfect example. He has two portfolios, one showing the stylistic curve of his most recent work, and another that shows his understanding of other styles in general. Most people get portfolio number one with a little banter, a friendly probing to see if they're interested in custom work in that vein. Portfolio number two is held in reserve in case the customer wants something more mundane. Its slim as well, but has a few choice pieces in a variety of stylistic groups. Everything is concisely arranged for a smooth, expedient tour of his skill. Unlike the life story portfolio that can grind you to a halt half way through.

There is a difference between a fresh tattoo and a healed one. The best portfolio is the work in person. If you see something you like on someone, ask where they got it. Sniff around when a place is busy and look at the healed work on the clients.

When you visit a shop, take into account the vibe. Are they nice? That's a good thing. Do they seem helpful, offering creative advice? Great. Pushy dickhead? Stoned? Brooding? Arguing on the phone? That's bad. They might just put one of their bumper stickers on you. If they don't care enough to be professional cut it off right there. This is a job, not a hobby. You have a voice in every other interaction except with the police and your mother. A tattoo is not an exception.

My favorite shops are almost magical places where you walk in and find yourself transported into something like the perfect party. People are telling stories, laughing, pouring over art books, coming up with crazy ideas and figuring out how to make them work. The walls are covered with art, there's interesting looking gizmos being set up. It's a great place, full of people from everywhere. Like a carnival of the imagination.

A simple, easy way to find out how clean a tattoo shop is is to look at the bathroom. A bathroom is easy to clean. The knobs, dials, surfaces, tubes, etc in a shop are hard to clean. If they can't get the bathroom straightened out, chances are the back room might not be hospital spec.

Here are some things you might want to consider avoiding all together.

The Lazy First Draft Artist

There are exceptions to the rule, but not many. Hopefully you've selected a WWTD design, but if you haven't or you're getting something redone or added to, don't let someone draw directly on to you with a pen, or god forbid a toothpick dipped into their previously pristine, sterile ink cap. A very talented artist may work off of a sketch, carefully fitting it to you in a way that a transfer cannot do, but that's the lone exception.

If you meet an artist you like, make the appointment and show up. They should have your design ready. They had to mess with it, maybe make a couple of versions of it. If they draw directly on to you, all you're getting is their first draft, and after they've spent half an hour drawing on you, the pressure to get that crappy first draft is pretty overbearing. Don't even put yourself into this situation.

I go on and on about this with some of my collegues that resort to direct drawing on clients. They insist they're good enough to take this time saving short cut. I say that no matter how good you are you can be better if you take the time to tinker with a design and develop it. The second draft is always more thought out than the first. You be the judge.

The Artist That Must Modify Your Idea

It's true, sometimes it has to be changed. There is a resolution threshold in tattooing that cannot be altered. You can't shrink a design that was originaly rendered the size of your hand to the size of a penny. A good artist will be helpful in making any changes you want or offering fresh ideas. A bad one will insist you get a version of your design 'in their personal style'. Its either grandstanding or they can't do it right in the first place. Keep looking.

The Shop-Hopper

"I've worked in over twenty tattoo shops." You have to ask yourself why. This one is a no-brainer.

The Lunatic

My old buddy Matt once told me that he generally divides tattoo artists into two groups. The art school drop out that wized up when they realized the degree was expensive toilet paper that perfectly qualified them for a job flipping burgers and the scumbag that doodled in jail. You can find bad news weirdos in any field. CEOs rank far higher per capita that tattoo artists. A lot of professions do. But be vigilant. Beware the mullet, the fat dude/chick with no front teeth, the obviously bong hit champions, etc. You don't have to get work done by someone that makes animals uncomfortable. There are good people out there, real professionals. Lots of them. Your job is to find them.

If you walk into a shop and find one artist that can do your tattoo right then, but another that can't until next week because they're booked up, guess which one is better. Get in line. I would.

The final bit of advice I can give is to have fun. A smile is a fine ornament. It will serve to break the ice when you're getting something more personal. After almost two decades I still get caught up in the excitement people bring with them. Happy, smart, fun people are a pleasure to be around. Bring you best with you, and settle for nothing less in return.

Go get 'em!

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